Updated: May 29
Have issues you had pre-lockdown intensified? The less favourable sides of your spouse's personality shining through?
Why Lockdown Could Be Make or Break for Your Marriage
Lockdown has been a testing time for most of us and spending time with somebody 24/7 compared to the usual few hours after work or at the weekends has come as quite a shock.
At the opposite end of the scale are the couples who are for whatever reason are spending lockdown apart and are conducting their marriage or relationship through their laptop or phone screen.
This sudden change can mean make or break for many marriages.
No doubt some couples will still be enjoying the increased intimacy but there are others who are discovering new ways in which their spouse utterly annoys them.
My last client is one of them.
Carol (not her real name) has been married for 11 years and has 3 children with her husband. They are both mid-forties and live a normal but comfortable lifestyle thanks to their moderately well-paid jobs. Since lockdown she has realised that spending so much time with her husband is really not going well and it is this that has gotten her thinking about her future.
One of her biggest realisations is that they both have very different views of the world compared to when they first met and it feels like they have already grown apart but were so busy with pre-lockdown life that she never stopped to notice it.
Carol is not the only one. There are lots of couples noticing these differences and analysing their lives in a way that they never have before. In a recent survey from Relate marriage counselling 23% of UK adults are experiencing lockdown love woe’s.
Little issues that were present in the marriage pre-lockdown have likely been magnified due to the intensity of the situation and it is inevitable that the less favourable parts of your spouse's personality will have shone through.
My advice if you are considering separation or divorce is to hold fire.
Lockdown has brought about so many new additional worries and concerns that it has blown the old and existing ones out of proportion.
I would suggest waiting until lockdown is over and things are relatively back to normal. You could well find that once you start to spend time apart again your relationship or marriage may get back on track.
If not and you feel you’ve past the point of no return and you just want out, then I recommend starting to get clear and consider your options.
Now is the time to start thinking about your Break-Up support team.
Family law firms are reporting a huge spike in enquiries from people looking to get advice on divorce proceedings and settlements. Getting clarity on your situation is vital.
Asking for professional help is the best thing you can do. Speak to family lawyers and financial advisers to get clear on your rights and your finances. Speak to a Divorce Coach about dealing with the emotional and practical side of the process.
If you're not ready to take that step yet that is fine, start to follow experts on social media, there is so much free information out there that you can use to organise your thoughts and get clear on what it is that you really want.
Separation or Divorce are not decisions to take lightly but that is no reason to stay in a loveless or unhappy marriage. There is life after divorce.
Follow me on social media for Expert Separation & Divorce Coaching advice and download my free guide.
Expert Separation & Divorce Coach